Reality is stranger than fiction
by Suteki-Yamamoto
Summary: Recently, Kanda's body has been acting strange. With the vomiting in every morning and a serious change in his diet, he did a check up. But after knowing his condition is worse than he thought, his world came crushing down. Mpreg, AreKan
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, mistakes in language, OOC, mpreg (!?).**

**Enjoy!**

**X-X-X**

Kanda half glared at the bespectacled man in front of him. He could see him fidgeting in his seat, pushing up his spectacle that had fallen below his eyes. His fingers entwined with one another later on the unkempt table and his eyes remained averted. Kanda could feel himself getting impatient and hugely irritated; just what the hell is wrong with his body?

In the past two weeks, in every morning, the samurai would definitely rush to the washrooms with his hand covering his mouth and thus, receiving a few curious stares from all the people around in the process. He would feel strangely sick and dizzy during his daily training sessions, resulting in the dilemma of not being able to improve his skills. Fatigue had been a pretty common thing too but he had forced himself to stay awake and alert when he was on a mission five days ago. It was only when he was back in the Order did he take naps when his tiredness was too much for him to handle.

The most bizarre (and the most frightening) thing was that he was starting to crave _**sweet **_stuffs, not to mention the sight of soba, his _most _favorite food, was repulsive to him. Nowadays, he had been eating like he was starved for days; his appetite was almost similar to that of Allen's and Krory's, maybe a tad bit bigger even. The urge of gobbling down the food set in front of him was strong but his pride was big enough to push those thoughts down; he would never eat like an uncivilized human being.

All the people in the cafeteria, including Jerry, was stunned when Kanda had one day ordered and carried those mountain of food, placed them on an empty table and finished them without any difficulties. There were absolutely no leftovers.

At first, he thought that these conditions were just there for a short period of time. However, after two long weeks, they were not showing any signs of subsiding at all. Instead, his conditions seemed to have worsened, his cravings for sweet things had grown even more intense. The raven gagged; those amounts of sugars he consumed would be more than enough to last him for a few lifetimes.

"Kanda, promised me that you would stay calm to whatever I am going to tell you now." The raven snorted, the mad scientist had finally decided to speak up. He had thought that the older man had gone mute after the silence they shared in the room. Kanda glared on at Komui and kept still; seriously, what could be worse than the curse he had?

Komui took in a deep breath, "After conducting multiple analyses and having the same results from all of them, we found that you are… pregnant…" Dead silence crept in again and the atmosphere in the room had turned a billion times more strangling and uncomfortable. The older male waited for the other's reaction, already knowing the worst. Maybe a short break between the explanations would allow the raven to be more composed and ease the situation a little?

Oh who is he kidding…

Kanda was as still as a statue before he swung into action. He leapt from his seat, drawing out Mugen from its shield, activating it and jumped atop of Komui's desk. The Chinese could feel something sharp poking against the tip of his precious nose; an undignified squeak escaped his lips.

"I did not hear you quite right, Komui. Would you repeat your sentence again? If this is a fucking joke," the end of the blade poked harder into Komui's nose, "Your face will be thoroughly done in by Mugen." Kanda's voice was calm, but Komui knew better. His actions so far did not even resemble a person who is calm. Despite the fear of being slice to pieces by the murderous man in front of him, Komui sighed and looked at Kanda in the eyes, wanting the exorcist to be convinced of what he said was all true through the emotion shown in them. The raven's eyes widened a little, showing that he was starting to understand maybe all of this was no freaking joke.

Ignoring the life-threatening weapon that was directly in his face, the bespectacled man continued, "I know this seems hard to believe - ," Kanda cut him off with a rude snort, "ok, VERY hard to believe. However, we had investigated very thoroughly and every symptoms you have resembled a pregnant woman." Komui prayed for his well being when the phrase 'pregnant woman' slipped out. Luckily, it seems today was his lucky day. "Yes, it is indeed bizarre, but, we could never deny those results that were shown in our faces."

Kanda brought his sword down and Komui sighed in relief.

"How……?"

"Not that I'm being rude or anything, but it must be because you had sex with someone..."

"No!" Kanda exclaimed in frustration, "Of course I know that! What I meant was how I… became pregnant? I'm a fucking guy if that's the last thing we all know."

"Oh that," Komui scratched his head sheepishly and grinned in embarrassment, "My guess is maybe it is the work of the innocence or the possibility of your body trying to make another being of the_ second generation_. Chances are your body knows that you are the only one of your kind and it is trying to increase the population of it. All of these are just assumptions though. It will take another couple of weeks or months for us to determine the truth."

Komui summarized what needs to be said in his mind before he started again, "It seems that whatever's the cause had made an artificial womb in your lower abdomen, thus allowing the fetus to grow. Basically, it is the same conditions as any normal pregnancies. So now, no more missions or trainings sessions allowed for you."

The samurai could feel his blood boil; he did not even say he wanted to keep the baby.

"I don't want it."

Komui stared at him with widened eyes and felt anger slowly creeping out of his pores to engulf him; how irresponsible could the teenager get?

He half-glared at the other raven, "Your decision alone won't change anything. You need to ask your partner regarding this crucial decision. Come to think of it, I need to know who he is, the father of your child."

Kanda clenched his fists.

**x-x-x**

**Should I continue with this? Review k? ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!! (May have slight spoilers for some): Please ignore the rest of the chapters in DGM. No Alma Kalma and such. **

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, mistakes in language, OOC Kanda, mpreg (!?). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Enjoy!**

**X-X-X**

It was all a mistake! A **FUCKING HUGE **mistake!! All of these were never supposed to happen! It was just a moment of folly that Kanda had. How did it escalated into something so big, so… severe?

The samurai could feel himself getting nauseous as he pondered on, trying to sort out his thoughts a little. He paid no attention to it and chose to continue on his way to his room to rest, enabling himself to escape reality even if it's just for a brief moment. The raven was never a person to run away from his problems, he knew that, but this time, he really didn't know what to do. Komui had objected to the idea of aborting it and this was the only solution to solve everything. He was an exorcist! A person that was burdened the heavy responsibility of fighting a cruel and treacherous war. He could not afford to have a child now, not at this time when anything could harm it.

Frankly, he had never thought of having a family of his own. He knew that it would be impossible for him to live that long. Even if he do marry a woman and she should conceive, it will just be too cruel a thing if he died, leaving them without a husband and a father. He would never allow his loved ones to suffer because of him.

Kanda is, in truth, not a cold and ruthless person that he showed to be. It was but a façade of his vulnerable side that he had hidden for as long as he could remember. He was a wimp in the past that cried over the slightest thing that hurt him. However, as time goes by, he finally understood that being so weak was not going to help anything.

Being too emotional too, the raven realized, was also nothing but draining and distressing, both to the mind and body. He decided to forgo most feelings and prevent himself from being too attached to anyone, not until he was freed from the war and the curse that was slowly eating his life away.

He was only twelve then when he came to this decision.

However, now, he was thrown off course. How could he handle a baby when he is needed to fight a war? It would be nothing but an unnecessary nuisance to him. In the past, he only had his life in his hands, but now, he would have to defend the both of them.

Kanda questioned himself; did he really want the child to be born? Aborting it is cruel, but, wouldn't it be crueler to bring it into the world where a war between Akuma and humans still continues on?

Maybe aborting it was the easiest and kindest thing to do...

Suddenly, an image of a certain exorcist popped into his head and the samurai could not help but to snort aloud. There was no doubt that _he _would want it to be born. Kanda could just hear what the idiot was going to say, like how he will use all of his might to keep the raven and the child safe, or even, how they will work together to bring up the child.

The samurai could not help but to let out a cynical chuckle; things are never that simple and lovely in this world.

Kanda flopped down to his bed once he had reached his room, locking the door in the process. Absolutely no disturbances were needed and the raven wants to keep the tranquility in the room. The whole issue was really starting to tire him out; it was even more exhausting than the training that he made himself go through. Trainings would make him stronger, but this… it was making him weaker and weaker.

Kanda bit back a sigh, frustrated with himself for giving so much shit for the situation he was in. But, who, with enough sanity, wouldn't? This concerns a life, a life which he produced with another being.

A realization struck him; would the embryo be considerate as normal? The circumstances that it was made was so out of one's imaginations. Kanda fully knew that he was no ordinary human; he was one that has a body that regenerate himself at a rate so many times faster than a normal being. He was one that was bounded by a curse of which when the lotus in the time glass had fully wilted, its every petals falling off to the bottom, he would die. He was one that did not have a normal birthing like any other humans, a creature solely created to fight the war. The Second Exorcist.

In actual, the being growing in him was never normal to start with. It was born in a man's body and said carrier was no ordinary human that you see every day on the streets. Doesn't this make the embryo somewhat of a… monster…?

His head gave a painful throb of which Kanda can't help but winced. He brought up a hand and placed it on the aching spot, messaging it in circle.

**X-X-X**

Komui sighed while rubbing the back of his neck soothingly. He had already had so much to worry about, like **Lenalee, Lenalee**, work, **Lenalee**…

The Chinese man closed his eyes, thinking about the discussions he had with the exorcist.

"_Kanda, you have to answer me sooner or later."_

_Komui continued to stare at the raven who was already trembling with anger. The Chinese man held back a sigh; the samurai was still as obstinate as ever. Would it kill him to say out the name of his partner? Even if Kanda's decision was to abort it, Komui would like to hear what the other parent has to say. This decision was one that needs the two of them to agree on; it will be unfair to the other father and the poor child. _

"_Moya… Moyashi…"_

_Komui raised an eyebrow. Beansprout? What do beansprouts have anything to do with this……?_

_Oh…_

**OH!**

**That**_ beansprout!_

"_Allen-kun?!" Komui half shouted, causing the already furious raven to glare at him with more heated eyes. Allen? _That _Allen Walker? The one that Kanda dislikes to the core? The one that always argued with the samurai? The one that was complete opposite of Kanda? __**That Allen Walker?!**_

_Komui had always known those two had some damned pent up sexual frustrations towards each other. _

_But, to have the white-haired _topped_ the psychotic samurai, now that's gold!_

_The bespectacled man cleared his throat; his mind had wondered too far…_

"_So are you going to tell him? It is his child too."_

_Kanda bit into his lips, seemingly restraining himself to let out those colorful words that only he knew. _

"_I don't… know…BUT WHY CAN'T I JUST ABORT IT AND TREAT IT LIKE THIS SITUATION NEVER EXISTED?!"_

"_Kanda," Komui gave him a firm look, "do you know that you are being very selfish to Allen and the child?" _

_The raven stood there for a mere moment before he stormed out, slamming the door shut with much force…_

Komui leaned back against his chair, looking up to the high ceiling of his office.

**X-X-X**

"Allen, are you really okay? You had been sneezing all day." The white haired turned his head, looking at the taller male that was walking just beside him.

"Yea Allen-kun, you must tell us if you are not feeling well." He turned his head to the other side, looking at the concerned expression that had been plastered on the Chinese girl's face. Allen could not help but scratched his head sheepishly, feeling embarrassed for making his comrades worry about his well-being.

"Lenalee, Lavi, I'm really fine. There is really nothing to worry yourselves over." Allen gave them the brightest smile he had, trying hard to reassure them that everything is alright. Although Lenalee had not said anything else, he knew that she remained suspicious, keeping a constant close eye on him to catch anything that could betray the white-haired's real feelings.

A genuine smile escaped his rosy lips; that girl is always sweet like that.

However, truth be told, even if he did feel uncomfortable or depressed, there was just no way that he could bring himself to tell them about it. The members of the Black Order are his precious comrades. They are the ones that would aid him if he is in a pinch in battle, they are the ones that would joke and have fun together with him; they are the ones that would never give up on one another.

They are his family…

And he would sacrifice absolutely anything to keep them safe.

He had already lost Mana; he could no longer afford to lose _his _new family again. The white-haired just did not want to experience something that terrifying once more. Ever.

**X-X-X**

Kanda was once again stuck in doing those check-ups that will help determine whether the embryo was growing healthily. He proceeded to roll his eyes out of boredom while unconsciously playing with a strand of his hair that had been left untied, twisting and releasing it around his index finger.

"Kanda, I have never known that you had this feminine habit," the supervisor then gave him a look that caused the raven's blood to boil, "Or is it because of the female hormones that has heightened now?"

The samurai threw him the dirtiest look that he had, wanting the Chinese man to just get the **fuck** away and leave him the **fuck **alone!

Komui held back a chuckle and instead, rose up both of his arms to indicate it was only meant as a joke. The younger of the two only snorted rudely at him and gave him the finger. The damned bespectacled man just wasn't worth the breath Kanda would be wasting now.

"Ok now, play nice alright? By now, I would assume that you know what to do." Kanda rolled his eyes again and begun to undress himself, placing his shirt on a hook before he sat on the chair beside the machine needed during the check-up. Komui had mentioned its name but the raven just never gave a damn to memorize the whole thing. It was freaking long.

The Chinese man begun to stick those wires hooked on a soft padding on Kanda's abdomen. He then walked to a metal table to retrieve a stack of filed papers to record down some things that Kanda didn't really understand.

The raven watched on while the pen tips moved quickly on the paper, only resting when the supervisor lifted his head up to look at the results the machine had produced. He wondered how legible Komui's handwriting was with the speed he wrote with. Kanda shifted in his sit, sitting up straight to stretch his back that was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

He heard a click, an indication that Komui had finished those recordings, and unattached the soft-paddings himself. The Chinese man switched off the machine and with a 'buzz', its screen went pitch black.

**X-X-X**

"Are you sure about this, Link?" Inspector Malcolm C. Rouvelier's eyes shone with an eerie hue. Those orbs showed pure interest and curiosity but Link knew better. The inspector was already formulating a new plan that would seem inhumane to most.

"Yes, absolutely."

The other Inspector could no longer hold back a shiver when a cruel smirk made its way on Rouvelier's face.

"Well done, Link, well done."

**X-X-X**

**Looks like something is brewing, isn't it? And I deeply apologise for this super super late update. I just couldn't bring myself to finish this. I will accept anything constructive comments from you all, including scoldings for this extremely late update. Review k?... **


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, mistakes in language, OOC-ness, mpreg. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Here is another update! I'm really trying very hard not to procrastinate and update only after so long. I'm such a lazy bum…**

**Enjoy!**

**X-X-X**

"Argh…" The raven moaned exasperatedly as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He was bended forward, hands clutching intensely on the circumference of the sink as he tried to will his body to stop heaving up whatever he had eaten. His long hair created a cape of black curtain around him, cascading down the side of his face and back. Kanda was actually grateful that those dark locks had not become a nuisance and landed in the sink.

He could feel his throat burning and his chest was starting to hurt. Tears had long formed at the corners of his deep blue eyes and made his vision blurry. Those disgusting fluid that lingered on his taste buds did nothing but made him sicker. Since young, he had hated vomiting. Those experiments the scientists conducted on him, in fact, do have side effects. Depending on individuals, some may be unconscious for hours and some will have a splitting headache. Kanda was those that vomited non-stop.

There was just no way one could be immune to the effects vomiting would do. Even after consecutive weeks of this 'routine', the raven would always wish for it to end quickly when it started.

It had been a few moments later that Kanda had stopped heaving, signaling the end of its terrorism. He gathered his hair together and briefly tied them with the rope that was secured around his wrist. After that, he cupped his palms together under the tap, letting water flow into it. Bringing it to his mouth and letting the transparent substance flowed past his lips, he was finally glad that the revolting taste was slowly fading away.

Kanda rinsed his mouth a couple of times before he washed his face, wanting to rid himself some discomfort. He sighed in contentment as those cooling water splashed against his skin and soothed his being.

X-X-X

A small smile plastered on Allen's face. He threw his hands up into the air, stretching his bones and muscles that were starting to ache due to all the battles he had fought. Lavi, Lenalee and him had been sent on missions one after another. It just can't be helped, they were one of the few people that could win and put an end to this war. With the activities of the Earl increasing, all of the exorcists had been forced to travel from one place to another consecutively.

It was indeed extremely tiring, but whenever he recalled the times when he was with a certain swordsman, he would always find a new strength that would encourage him to be strong. It would cheer him on to fight with all his might no matter how exhausted he was. With a mindset of staying alive, he thus knew that as long as he continues to live, he would be able to be with his lover. He never dared thought of a day when one of them had really gone to the other world, where the other would be unable to reach.

No, don't be mistaken. Their relationship is nothing near that sweet.

Allen sighed exasperatedly; maybe they would not even be considered to be in a relationship.

It may only be him that wanted them to be a couple. It was him that took the advances, it was him that started something between them and it was _him_ that really gave his all in this. Without Allen taking the first step, the raven could go up to days without ever talking to him or even give a simple nod to acknowledge the white-haired when they saw each other in the Order. Seeing Kanda just walk away as if he was invisible really hurt Allen, but he was starting to get used to it now; it had happened so many times.

So, how did this 'relationship' start?

No confessions or anything quite as romantic happened, 'kay?

They just had sex.

Allen sighed again, raising a hand and ran his fingers through his white locks. The hallway he was currently walking through was void of people, making the place as silent as a ghost town. The white-haired actually appreciated the atmosphere that was enveloping him; it gave him a suitable place to think and alleviate the heavy feeling that had settled itself on his heart. He didn't know why he was feeling this way; he was at home, a place where everyone is together and a place where he could eat till he was really full. So why…?

Maybe it was his yearning to see the swordsman after so long? Exactly how long had it been since they last seen each other? Two weeks? Three? Allen silently calculated in his mind and slowly, a realization struck him. It was actually one month and three weeks! A dreadful feeling started to seep into his pores; he had not expected he will be away from Kanda for so long. Initially, the first mission the trio had been sent to was actually just a week. However, after completing each mission, a new one would be notified by Komui via the golem. Although they had not mentioned anything, they could still see the apologetic expression on the supervisor's face. That made it even harder for them to hint that they were already thoroughly drained…

But, he had never expected it to be _this _long. Allen bitterly chuckled, the raven must have not, even once, thought about him when he was away.

It was not that he did not want to see the swordsman now, but it really hurts to see Kanda giving him the cold shoulder, always! He would then be forced to use the offensive tactic – pushing him onto a wall (or bed) and kissed him real hard on the lips – just to get his attention. Whenever he breaks away, he would always see the raven's lips red and slightly swollen, with a shock and very irritated expression on his face. Both of his eyebrows would arch in a disapproving way and his teeth would sink into his lower lip, clearly angered by Allen's action. His cheeks would also be lightly tinted and sharp eyes would look straightly into the younger one's. However, there was never once when Kanda used all of his strength to push him away, to refuse Allen of the things they would be doing later. Then, seeing no more rejections from the raven, the white-haired would continue, until both of them were fully satisfied.

He'd always held onto the belief of only having these bodily contacts with the one you sincerely loved, and was thoroughly disgusted by his _guardian_'s action of changing partners almost every night. In his early teen, he remembered that he would always be squatting outside while using both palms to cover his ears, blocking out those sex noises made by his master and the woman he was currently banging in the room. He never understood what they were doing in the room when he was younger though. Little Allen would always be kicked out of the room when he brought a woman in with him. Sometimes, the poor little boy would even need to find a dark corner to spend the whole night in when his master was having too much fun.

Allen shuddered; those really were the memories. Especially when the General had brought home those women that would literally scream their lungs out while being fucked; the white-haired would be forced to wander around to pass time and escape those repulsive sounds. Sometimes, he would decide to sit on the rooftop, watching the stars and wait until sunrise. Allen would always be mesmerized by the scene of the golden-colored sky, and his anger would simmer down a little.

However, Allen could not determine whether the raven really wanted to these things with him. It is full willingness on the younger's part but, is it the same with the raven? Isn't Allen denying his belief indirectly if the raven was not?

The white-haired turned a corner and jumped a little, seeing the swordsman walking in the same corridor. The raven was slightly hunched and he was dragging his feet. His hair was tied loosely and placed on one of his shoulder. Bags was visible below both of his eyes and his pupils are a little unfocused. Allen resisted the urge to lift an eyebrow; he had never seen the other so haggard and worn out. He was about to greet him when the raven hastened his pace, his eyes turning colder when he gave a brief glance at Allen and then shortly averted them away. The raven walked right past the white-haired, bumping his shoulder with his own in the process. This action was intentional; Allen knew it by the force Kanda had used. The younger one staggered a bit, taking a step back to regain balance and hung his head, his bangs covering his eyes. He refrained from grabbing hold on the other's arm and demands an explanation; the raven had never used such hurting ways when he chose to ignore Allen.

He bit his lower lip harshly, tasting the revolting taste of copper on his tongue before long. As he listened on to the footsteps of the swordsman echoing throughout the corridor, his heart sank deeper and deeper every time when they turned softer and softer, signaling him that Kanda had already walked further and further away from him. Allen stood there as still as a statue, undeniably stumped and confused of what he had done to make the other so hopping mad. Even after those footsteps had completely vanished, the white-haired remained completely silent and motionless.

X-X-X

"Damn it!" Kanda slashed the activated Mugen at the bark of the trees of the small forest, mercilessly cutting down some due to his strength. He pounced and jumped, wanting to work away the frustration that was building every day. Screw Komui and his rule of no training in the whole term of the pregnancy. The damned supervisor could just go fuck himself.

Minutes later, when the raven had feel that he had calmed down a little, he thrust Mugen into the hardened soil and put a hand on the side of his waist, huffing and panting as he tried to take in deep breaths to allow his body to have sufficient oxygen. Shit! Where had his stamina went? It had only been two months without any training, right?

It's not that Kanda had listened to Komui and stayed away from his daily trainings, but the fatigue had really taken a toll on him. He could sleep a total of nine hours at night and still be able to have a nap of three to four hours long in the day. The long hours of sleep in the night resulted in him missing his normal training period. The discipline he set on himself for a long time had been all messed up within just these few months.

Normally, in these few months, Kanda would meditate longer to help him calm down and relax his mind, helping him to get rid of the aggravation that was usually disposed off while he trained in the past. However, having met the fucking beansprout in the corridor a little while ago, he felt that slashing something was the only way to help him cool his head off. Although the thing he very much wants to slash is a particular person named Allen Walker.

With a final deep breath taken in, he positioned Mugen in both his hands again and pounced.

X-X-X

Kanda Yu just could not believe how God was fucking around with him. He just had to bump into the bean sprout **twice **today! Oh, how fortunate is his life, really?

The white-haired was positioned back against the wall, both arms folded across his chest and his eyes shut. His face wore a look of distress and Kanda wasted no time to know he was the source of it, and he felt no remorse. The raven actually got a little satisfaction from it; this was what the bean sprout truly deserved.

He was planning to walk past him when a hand extended out and grabbed hold of his one arm, momentarily shocking Kanda as he had not expect the other to do so. Fierce deep-blue eyes met equally fierce silvered ones as both of them were caught in a glaring session, and none of them was willing to back down. The raven shook his arm violently, efficiently knocking away the offending left arm of the other. He stared down at the younger one, surprised yet again that he had grown so much in the period they didn't see each other. Kanda estimated that Allen was only a few centimeters away from his height and this new discovery fouled his mood even more.

"What the hell do you want?" Kanda certainly did not restrain his temper from showing through his words. However, as much as he wanted the white-haired to falter, it never happened. The bean sprout was still staring at him with a strong determination; he was also not about to yield any time soon.

"I just want to talk." The swordsman rolled his eyes; there was nothing to _talk _between them. He was about to walk away when he felt a strong arm on his yet again, this time feeling a swinging momentum from it. Next thing he knew, his back was against the same wall that Allen was leaning against a little while ago. A sharp pain erupted from his back as he slammed into the grey solid, causing his eyes to shut as he tried to contain the gasp that was already on his tongue.

"What the hell is your problem? What did I do to make you so mad?" A tinge of desperation was heard in Allen's voice as his eyes pleaded for an answer. Kanda allowed no emotion on his face, just staring at the one before him that was pushing his shoulders against the wall. His lips remained tight; he was not going to tell him anything. Not now and certainly not ever.

"It's really none of your business, Walker. Not everything revolves around you, you know. Stop thinking so highly of yourself. Now if you will excuse me." Kanda's eyes were completely void of emotions, making Allen's attempt to read them to fail.

Something wasn't right. Hearing the man before him speak like that wasn't right. When had he turned so cold? _Why _did he turn so cold?

"Something happened, hasn't it?"

Kanda snorted, "None that needs your concern. So why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone."

"Do you really... hate me that much?" Kanda held back his surprise as he willed his expression to remain as bored as ever. He did not answer him back; he didn't know how.

Deeming silence as an agreement, the younger one released his hands from the raven's shoulders and slumped, hanging his head as a bitter chuckle resounded in the corridor out of the blue. "Should have known… then -" The white-haired paused for a while, seemingly gathering words from his mind to say. "I shouldn't bother you anymore. From now on."

Next thing Kanda realized, was the fading footsteps echoing in the dark corridor.

**x-x-x**

**Finally finished. Sorry once again for the extremely long wait! Review k?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, mistakes in language, OOC-ness, mpreg. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Enjoy! **

**X-X-X**

One week had passed since his last encounter with the other; and he knew that the heavy feeling was not going to disappear any time soon. He was beginning to hate himself. He was the one that pushed him away, created a boundary that he had let the other know not to cross. He had finally succeeded, but why… did it hurt so much…?

To say he hate the white-haired was just an assumption, one that he himself knew was false. He had never had any negative feeling towards him. In fact, he admired him for being an optimist. The white-haired still had the ability to keep the humanity in him in this cold and cruel war; a thing that Kanda had cast away a long time ago.

He had long deemed kindness and compassion a weakness, something that enemies would take advantage of. A hardened heart was the safest path to take, and he had, without any hesitation, taken it. There was never a need for anything humane in a war, especially against someone as dangerous as the Earl and the Noah. He had thought his heart had become mostly emotionless; oh wrong was he.

Relationships with people were a burden. Anyone he knew may die during their missions, and thus forming a strong bond would not benefit him any. It would only cause one agony and pain when they did pass on, and Kanda knew these feelings would be destructive. He had already experience it once, of the bite that he received. And it had left a scar that would never heal in time.

He had always felt it foolish and irritating about the way the white-haired was always chasing him. He was seemingly like a stray puppy that the raven had come across on the street one day, and now it had been following where ever he went. He had run as fast as he could, hide in a dark corner of an alley and dashed into his apartment. When he had expected the puppy to go away then, he would saw it curled up and slept right in front of his door, refusing to let him get away and be its owner.

Although the real situation ain't that sweet and simple.

Suddenly, a piercing, sharp pain erupted from within his abdomen and he winced, a slight gasp escaping his lips. A hand flew to cover the area that was still in pain; it was... excruciating...

Teeth bit into lower lip as he forced himself to walk towards his room, wanting to have a place to rest on right then. The raven knew that his legs would give out at any moment, and falling down would be extremely dangerous. He cannot deny the fact that he was afraid for the being in him as fear slowly swelled up inside him, like a spinning snowball rolling down from a highland, its size uncontrollable.

The pain turned even more agonizing. Kanda was forced to stop in his tracks and leaned against the wall, his one arm pressing on the cold solid. Using the wall as a support and guide, he slid down slowly, until he was fully settled on the hard floor. He curled up his body as he crossed both his arms around his abdomen, his whole body seemingly sucked into the wall as he was pressing so hard against it. Tears were already forming at the corners of both eyes as he willed the pain to stop.

They were worse than those that he had ever received in battles. It was like something was trying to rip him apart from the inside, twisting and turning his organs from within. The pain was weak, then strong, and weak, then strong again. It was throbbing so violently that the raven could feel himself getting light-headed when each fierce force struck him every time.

_Stop it... please..._

He gripped his black shirt tightly in both his fists, clawing the fabrics to distract himself from the pain. Cold sweats had already enveloped his whole body as he chanted those words as if they were a spell, one that could evaporate the pain into oblivion. His lower lip was already bleeding when teeth broke skin tissues, and red liquid was slowly dripping down his chin.

His whole body shook and trembled with each passing second; only to him they seemed like hours. The raven hugged his abdomen tighter like he was protecting something, and he knew that something was in real danger. He opened his mouth to scream for help, to alert anyone nearby that could lend a hand, but, no sound came out as only silent gasps was heard; the pain was disabling functions of his body already.

He held onto the light as he strained himself to not lose consciousness, believing that he may not be able to wake up again. Although he had never supported the idea of keeping the child, Kanda knew that he was obliged to protect it. Deep within his mind, he didn't know the reason behind this obligation though, deeming it as a troublesome habit that he had developed over the years – to protect and defend.

Maybe the influence of the beansprout was even stronger than he had thought. Seeing the younger one so motivated and determined to protect whatever he could, Kanda had unknowingly begun to support and carry out this act after knowing the other for some time. Maybe it's just that the white-haired had reawaken his emotions enough to protect somebody, helping him gain back the heart after that incident from so long ago.

Due to both the pain and tears, his vision grew worse by the second as a black fog was slowly closing in to cloud his vision. The little spot of light turned dimmer and dimmer until he was so afraid that it would disappear completely; it was the only thing that told him he was still conscious, and he was not giving it up that easily.

He gathered all of his strength as he sat up slightly, his arms still wounded around his waist while he opened his mouth, taking a deep breath...

"Oi! Is anybody there?" He shouted, although the last word almost came out as a gasp. A painful force came hitting him next as he had jerked a little while trying to get his voice out as loud as possible. He winced harder, his eyebrows furrowed very more so now.

"Kanda!" A feminine voice sounded throughout the hallway.

**X-X-X**

He ripped a long piece of cloth from his white shirt before he wound it around his arm, intentionally pulling it tighter and tighter after each full round. He tied a knot with the other arm, with his teeth pulling at the other side of the cloth. The white fabric immediately dyed an eerie red as it soaked up the blood still gushing out of the deep wound. Allen held back a groan as he had twisted his body the wrong way; the slash on his waist was still left untreated.

He took in deep, alas painful, breaths as he wanted to calm his heartbeat down, giving himself enough oxygen so as to allow his brain to work productively again, coming up with a strategy that would allow him to escape successfully. He let his head fell backwards against the tree that he was resting on, the uninjured arm pressing hard on the untreated wound. Allen let out a heavy breath, relieved that he could have the time to rest and strategise his way out.

There was just no way that he could win this now. He was alone, in the jungle that had since enclosed in darkness a few hours ago. Komui and he had not expected such difficulties in this mission, explaining why he did not have a partner. This mission had been simple enough - retrieving the innocence from a group of finders and sending the holy object back to the Order.

He held back a groan as he forced himself to stand up, using the tree as a support to aid him. Hand still on his wound at his waist; he staggered his way through the dense undergrowth, ignoring the bites that some insects had given him when he had entered their territory. He strained himself to move on; he had to make it, or else he would never forgive himself.

"Where are you going, Shounen?" He stood as still as statue as he dared not turn around. A hand slowly crept its way to the albino's face, covering his eyes as if he was teasing him. Allen stayed motionless as he felt hot breaths blowing at the shell of his left ear. "Neh, let's play a little more, shall we?"

**X-X-X**

"What is going on, ni-san?" The Chinese girl asked in an absolute tone, telling the other that she would get an answer no matter what. Her eyes, full of suspicion, was showing him that she could differentiate the truth and the false that he was about to speak. There was exactly no way that he could avoid discussing about the situation. He knows her sister, and his sister knows him.

None of the others, except himself and Kanda, knew about the case. He kept it a secret not because of Kanda's _threat_, but he was afraid what the upper ones will do when this piece of news was delivered to their ears. They would certainly capture Kanda and experiment on him. Komui did not have the heart to think of those horrible things they would do to the raven then.

He despised those experiments. They had already brought so much harm to the innocents that wanted to contribute to this merciless war. Only a couple were successful, but with a high price to pay. Many lives were lost, and some driven to insanity.

He understood the need to sacrifice to win a war, and sacrifices they made. However, did they really gotten anywhere? It was seemingly a grey zone the organisation had chose to step into; it was already so much harder to distinguish who was on the justice side. The Earl had brought much pain to the people, but so did they. Although it was all voluntary, Komui knew that the Order never completely explained the severity of the experiments. They only treated them like needless pawns, of some that can be more useful than the others.

Komui did not want too many people to know about Kanda's situation, but seriously, how could he not trust his sister?

"Kanda, well, to put it simply..." He paused to see the expression of his sister, an eager and irritated look plastered on her face. "He is pregnant."

"Wha...?"

**X-X-X**

Lavi hastened his pace, running in full speed now as he prayed to get there in time. He had received a call from Komui that Allen may need assistant in his current mission. Just as he was about to step into the forest ground, he could sense an evil presence that he had grown familiar with. He bit his lip, a sense of drag as he realised who it was.

A little relieved when he heard sounds, he increased his speed again to get to a small clearing where the noises came from.

"Allen!" He paused as he took in the scene before him. Allen was bleeding profusely, his uniform drenched in not sweat, but blood. The younger one was breathing too heavily now. He was slowly losing consciousness as he struggled to stand up, swaying a little due to the dizziness caused by insufficient blood.

The red head dashed to stand before him, his innocence activated as he faced the enemy, gripping onto his hammer while he prepared himself to fight the other.

He couldn't help but shudder as the Noah licked his lips, eyeing him like a piece of fresh meat a predator found so conveniently. His hold on his weapon tightened as ever as he tried to suppress those sickening memories.

"Exactly how long had it been since that time, _Lavi_?" He could hear him purred his name. "Do you still carry the memories of those moments?"

His blood boiled as he dashed to strike the Noah, but the other had disappeared before he was attacked. He stopped in his tracks, wanting to turn around. However, he was stopped as a figure pressed against his back, shuddering as he felt a wet tongue licking the shell of his ear, from the bottom to the middle where the Noah stopped. The wet muscle went to the back of the ear and traced down, leaving a trail of saliva on the skin. He stop at the base of the neck and nibbled slightly, biting down quite harshly next. Lavi bit back a gasp.

"Let's do _that_ again next time, shall we?"

The red head broke out of his stupor as he turned around at high speed, swinging the hammer so as to hit the man that stood before him now.

"Ah... Looks like you are still as obstinate as ever. Maybe just one time really wasn't enough to tame you."

Just as he was about to retort, black-tinted-purple butterflies slowly started to engulf Tyki, making him disappear into the darkness. Lavi wanted to give chase, but stopped himself as he knew that Allen's health was more important; he would settle the score with the other next time.

"We will meet again when I want to play."

Lavi cursed silently under his breath as he ran towards his friend who was now unconscious. The whole area smelled like blood, making the bookman in training feeling slightly uncomfortable. He winced slightly as he saw the injuries the younger one had sustained, staining the earth beneath him a maroon red.

"Allen," he whispered soothingly, "I'm going to bring you back now. Hang in there, okay?" Carefully lifting him up into his arms; he placed a hand under the white-haired's shoulders and the other under both knees.

**X-X-X**

**Finally finished. Sorry for the long wait! Although this chapter did not really help the story progress... Why did I have to make Tyki seems like a pervert? Review? **


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, some swearings, mistakes in language, OOC-ness, mpreg. **

**I am so, so, so, so, SORRY for this VERY VERY late update. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Enjoy! **

**X-X-X**

Lavi's eyebrows stayed furrowed in both anxiety and anger. If only he had arrived sooner…. If only he did not hesitated when he knew _he _was there…. If only he had not been such a fucking coward…. None of this would ever have happened. Allen would not have to lie, immobilised and unconscious, on a bed in the infirmary.

The red head was still unable to fully take in the scene before him, his guilt chewing on his insides. It was seemingly laughing at him, of the cowardice that he should have never allowed to surface. A life was in danger, and he had grown careless to allow this weakness to come into play. He knew that any moment later, he would have very well brought back a corpse.

He shuddered at the thought. Many would have never forgiven him, and he too will never give himself the privilege to be forgiven. The white-haired was loved by many, and the red head knew there would be many more in the near future. He was such a sweet boy, and had always put others before himself. No matter how hurtful and dangerous it was, Allen would always risk his life for anyone, absolutely _anyone_.

When Lavi had first heard the other saying how he wanted to save both humans and akumas, he could not deny the doubt he had then. How could anyone, as young and ignorant as he was, able to do something as contradicting as this. It was like looking at the left and right direction at the same time, or having a coin landing on both its sides. It was just never possible, no matter how determined the younger one sounded. He had only given him a smile as a respond then, and chose to keep his thoughts to himself. All he could do really, was to protect Allen's back, and allow the other to protect his. Lavi had recently understood this as an action comrades would do, and he had grew greedier of wanting to experience it – to experience the happiness of defending and be defended.

Comrades – a word that he had found so distant and foreign in the past was now a vocabulary that could give him warmth whenever he thought of its meaning. He had never truly understood it, of the significance it can bring to one's heart. But now he knew, finally realised just how many positivity it could grant him, or even anyone that had those who really cared. Without them, Lavi knew his soul would remain cold, unshaken to misfortune of others as he had deemed them a common occurrence. He would still be a him that no longer holds sympathy or compassion, covered by a hide that he had created to disallow anyone to know the genuine Lavi. He was ugly inside, he knew, and he abhorred it now.

Bookman's words had been literally carved into his mind, and he had heeded them. He should never – _must never_ – become too attached to others, even though they had put their faiths and beliefs in him. He remembered he had chuckled when the old man spoke the sentence. He was filled with confidence that he would never be one that would forms bonds with others, or held the willingness to share their pain or sorrow. Even if he had showed it to be, it was all an act. However, this _act_ he had called it, crumbled into something real, not long before he found himself getting way too attached to them. Soon, he was unable to retreat, not wanting to lose the humanity he had finally experienced when he had let his guards down. Suddenly, he had felt that, maybe the world had not been so… nasty after all.

He gripped the pale hand that was sandwiched between his own even tighter, a pained expression plastered on his face. He had failed to protect a comrade, and now the other was the one to pay the price. Allen was all bandaged up, showing just how injured he was, the nurse's words staying true as she had told the red head about the wounds he had sustained. His heart sank deeper as she listed on, some without a doubt more serious than the others.

"Notify me when he wakes up, okay?" He could hear empathy in the feminine, silky voice from behind. A hand had then lightly placed on one of his shoulders and gave a comforting squeeze, making him turned his head slightly around to give the young nurse a half glance. Lavi merely nodded his head, not wanting to open his mouth just yet.

The sound of a click informed him that he was now alone, with the unconscious teenager that was seemingly dead to the world. He brought the pale hand to his forehead as his neck bended downwards, praying for the other to wake up soon.

**X-X-X**

Her emerald-tinted orbs fixed themselves on the sleeping face of the other. A pair of furrowed eyebrows and an expression of concentration indicated that she was in deep thought, and it seemed that she wasn't quite finished yet. There were still a lot that she wanted to ask, but her brother had given her no chance to probe any further. Although she knows he had his silly moments, he was very well a smart man. Lenalee knew he was purposely deflecting some questions, and this had certainly disturbed her. How could he not trust his sister?

She sighed again; losing count of the exact number she had done so. She was already too exhausted to think of the reason why her brother distrusted her with truths that she needed to know. Not to mention that those questions were crucial to piece the puzzle together. Her eyes narrowed slightly as a realization dawned on her – did the Order had some darker secrets she didn't know?

She suddenly felt extremely foolish. There was never a need to doubt that the organisation was coming up with something sinister, and she had deemed it a blessing to be ignorance in the past. Why know when your conscious could be rotting with a guilt that you never need?

However, remaining unaware was not an option anymore. Somebody _she_ cares could get hurt; somebody that cares about _her_ could get hurt.

There was absolutely no way she would take chances now.

**X-X-X**

"You're awake." He could feel a soft hand gently brushed away wild strands of hair on his forehead, tucking some more behind his ear. "How are you feeling?" Kanda kept quiet, not really catching on to the things that were happening. His eyes slowly focused on a face that he had quietly came to adore through the years, and an expression of plain anxiety greeted him. The raven remained stoic, but was secretly wondering what had caused the other to worry so much. The Chinese girl gave him a smile and reached out to caress his one cheek soothingly, only to be replied with nothing from the man on the bed.

"You really gave me a fright just now. Does your stomach still hurt?" Stomach hurts? Why would his stomach be hurting?

Suddenly, realization hit him like a rock. The pain, the agony, the helplessness…

His baby!

"How is he?" He shot up from the bed, momentarily stunning the Chinese girl as the other exorcist held onto her arms. His eyebrows were creased in worry as he stared into her eyes, his orbs showing nothing but pure concern for his child. Lenalee placed one of her hands on top of Kanda's and massaged them reassuringly, wanting to ease the tense muscle. She gave him yet another comforting smile, and was contented that the man was relaxing his posture.

"He is fine. Brother said that he could probably sense his mother's emotion, and was affected quite deeply by it. So the little guy had no choice but to tell his mother about the issue, and threw his tantrum."

Kanda snorted, what a way to _tell _him about something.

Lenalee secretly cheered, relieved that she was not caught at the mention of Kanda being a mother. How sweet can that actually get really, albeit a little disturbing…

Accidentally, she let out a faint giggle, but the other had heard it all too well. Kanda furrowed an eyebrow, "what are you laughing about?" The girl was forced to break out of her stupor as she gave a shrug, implying it was nothing serious. The swordsman continued to eye her doubtfully as he saw nothing laughable in this situation. However, he still let it slide though.

"Oh ya!" He was presented with an almost sickening smile from the other before she continued, "How did you know it is a boy?"

Kanda remained silent and let go of Lenalee's arm, positioning the pillow against the bed frame and moved back a little to place his aching back on it. He folded his arms, eyes closed as to tell the younger girl he was ignoring her. No answer shall be received for her question.

Thinking that the peace he was currently enjoying would last, he sighed contently. (Softly that is.)

Fat chance really. Fat chance.

All was quiet and tranquil before a thundering sound erupted from his stomach, causing a very embarrassed Kanda to blush and an amused Lenalee to giggle some more.

What a great day it had been for the swordsman.

"I think someone had to make a trip to the cafeteria." Lenalee used her palm to slightly cover her mouth as she tried to force her laughter down, feeling a little remorseful that she was making the raven a lot more uneasy right then.

Kanda could do nothing but just glared to recover what little dignity he had left.

**X-X-X**

"So… care to tell me what happened between you and Allen-kun?" Kanda paused in the midst of practically inhaling his seventh dish of the meal and glared at the Chinese girl before him. Licking his upper lip in irritation, he brought another spoonful of curry rice into his mouth before he hardened his expression. She was giving him _the _look, and he knew he could never get out of this one.

Damn her woman instinct!

"What'ya mean, girl." It was not a question, Lenalee knew, but rather a warning from the other to shut her mouth before things get ugly. However, there was no way she would back down, not before she could help clear away whatever conflict that had happened between the two men. The girl knew that both of them are downright morons when it comes to the matter of the hearts, and would just end up hurting each other more if this goes on. She resisted, albeit with much difficulties, to roll her eyes. Last time she checked, men never caused _this_ much drama.

"Hmm… so offer me another reason what could cause you so much sadness that could have potentially harmed your baby?" Kanda could see the girl growing more irritated by the second. He knew she cared, but he did not appreciate her minding a business that he himself did not even want to think about. He and… the bastard were over. The ass even said so himself.

"There is nothing to talk about. Not now, not ever. Nothing happened, and nothing between me and him is going to happen again." He turned his focus back to his meal, eating even faster to distract himself from unwanted thoughts and get away from the girl that was going to potentially harm _him_. He didn't need this now; why was she being such a nosey parker? She was never in the picture, so why did she have to keep forcing herself into his affairs?

"I - just want to help, Kanda." A soft hand slowly proceeded to place itself on his vacant one that was on the table and looked up towards Lenalee, a slight pleading expression on her face. He really hated it when she gets like this. She was making him feel like a puppy-kicker or something. Setting down his utensils, he gave a loud sigh that momentarily shocked her and stared pointedly into her eyes.

"What the fuck do you want to know?"

X-X-X

"You do know that you are not handling this situation maturely, right?" Kanda gave a small but threatening growl; so what if he was acting irresponsibly? Did she think anyone would be able to handle this thing with a clear mind if they were in his shoe? What had she expected him to do? Tell that asshole about his current situation and live happily ever after with each other?

What a big joke.

"Why didn't you tell Allen-kun? He has every right to know." Here we go again… like foolish brother, like busybody sister. "He will be the one to take care of you, won't he? Any pregnant person would need their partner to be there for them." Lenelee was careful with her words as she would not want to step on a landmine that could foil her plans. She had made it thus far and she did not need a raging Kanda to walk away from her before their discussions was over. (It was actually more like an interrogation for the swordsman's part, really.) He rolled his eyes; there was never a fairytale in this cruel world.

"What? Did you supposed telling him will make our relationship better? Face it, moron. We never really wanted each other; it was just for the sex." The girl fumed more; was he really this blind? "It was just purely physical pleasure, nothing more, nothing less. There was entirely no love, no bond, and no feelings. There was never any strings attached, and I require him no responsibility for this mess." Lenalee watched on as Kanda took in a deep breath, "I'm going to abort this baby, so as to keep everything simple and back to the way they were."

Time stopped abruptly as those words pierced the Chinese girl harshly. Why can't this imbecile open his eyes and see just how much effort Allen had put in to try to make their relationship to be on a much stronger holding? She had always known that the other was dense, but she did not know his skull was as thick as a boulder, or maybe even thicker. Even the blinded could have sense the genuine feeling the white-haired was harbouring for the raven. Just what could she do to make the man before her realise just how much the baby would have mattered to Allen, or how much this could brought both morons happiness that they craved?

She stood up, both hands coming down fast to slam on the table and making the now empty plates clattered against the wood. Kanda jumped slightly, startled at the sudden violent movement made by the female exorcist and stared at her, hugely bewildered. He could feel her killing aura rising as her glare turned icier as time went by. Other diners in the cafeteria watched on, none dared to approach the two as they could feel the atmosphere around them growing more suffocating by the second. Some even gulped; never had they witness such anger from the young Chinese before.

All came too fast as Kanda did not notice a hand was raised and swept directly across his face, the impact marking his left cheek red and head turned to the side. His eyes went wide as he was dumbfounded, staying there stonily as he allowed the pain to sink in. On-lookers' jaws dropped, even more stunned as the infamous 'demon' had been done in by none other than the supervisor's younger sister.

All was silent, absolute silence.

"What in the world do you know, Kanda?" Lenalee was shaking even more now as she was consumed with pure rage, "do you really think you are the victim here?" She clenched both of her fists as she positioned her hands back down to her sides, "Are you really that foolish and blind to not see how Allen-kun really feels about you? What about those caring and soothing touches he offered to you? What about those hurt and disappointed looks he gave you when you rejected him like he was nothing? What about the ways he lets you know he needs you just so he can convince himself both of you are indeed very alive?" She gave him a weak smile, but all was revealed when nothing but deep sorrow and regrets were embedded within her eyes, "how I envy that it isn't me…" the sentence came out even softer than a whisper, but Kanda knew all too well what she had said through the movement of her reddish lips. The raven dared not make a sound or move, his strength seemingly drawn out by the girl that was indeed growing to become a wise woman.

The swordsman did not even notice the other was walking off until she spoke.

"Ask yourself what does he really means to you."

…And his heart begins to crumble.

**X-X-X**

**Lenalee attacked! It was super effective! **

**Now that was done, review? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: Boyxboy, unbetaed, mistakes in language, OOC-ness, mpreg.**

**Hi folks! It had been a loooooooonnnng time huh? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

**Enjoy!**

**X-X-X**

She was hating herself now.

Wasn't she the one that was going to help the two reconcile? However, in the end, she had allowed her feelings to get the better out of her and – there was nothing but a mess. She was not fully herself that time and all she remembered was feeling her blood begun to boil as those ungrateful words streamed out of the other's mouth; like a deadly poison to her ear. She vaguely recalled herself losing her self-control and burst out in the way she did not expect herself to.

It was only until now that Lenalee realized just how little one may know themselves.

She was about to burst into tears now, she knew, as her nose begun to sour and emerald eyes dampened. She hugged her pillow tighter, laying on her stomach and pressed her face, hard, into it. The soft article sank easily when the force was applied, and Lenalee could feel the snowy pillow cover turned moist, proving it much uncomfortable to lie upon as she had never been one for damped or soaked cloth. For that she hated being caught in the rain, and she would always prepare an umbrella when she was out of the Order.

But seriously, this was currently the last thing on her mind.

This terrible feeling would be lingering in her for some time, regardless of how much distress she would have vented out after her sobbing session. There would just be a nagging thing that would no doubt pester her, and would definitely grow if she would unfortunately meet the swordsman again after today.

A slip of mouth can cause one's dismay, was what she had heard when she was just a mere child. She remembered she had thought nothing of it until now when it hit her so hard in the face, and she realized that it would sting her like a bitch for a while. Words that fell like tumbling rocks on a cliff was something perhaps too heavy and difficult for her to stop then. She was being thoroughly irrational and had allowed those huge borders to slip past her lips, as if they had morphed into a savage water stream from high grounds. She should have crushed those rocks even before they reached her tongue. But, she didn't, and she would regret it.

She had locked her feelings multiple times with countless locks, burying it in the deepest and darkest part of her heart for she foresaw there would not be a need for them. She had, no doubt, grown immune to the pain when she witnessed the white-haired looking at him with such intensity of emotions. When having a small conversation, the Chinese had chose sweet ignorance and continued to talk when it was so painfully obvious that his attention was no longer on her, but the raven that was walking past them then.

It had hurt like fuck, but what was she to do?

And the person that had all his attentions every time did not even put it to heart, did not even realize just indeed how much he means to the British. He had just cast away the happiness she was _craving_, the love that she had long known she would never _own_. It angered her to the core, for that she would not deny, but also felt weak and defeated when she had allowed herself to vent it on Kanda.

However, she would not choose to be a moron like those two idiots did. She would make things right again, and made the two realize just how much they mean to each other.

**X-X-X**

He couldn't deny it, Lenelee's words had burnt – and he knew it was going to scar.

Just how much… did he mean to him?

He did not know, and he seriously did not want to find out.

Their first time together… he was not rational then. Consumed by much regret and grief, he just wanted some sort of comfort and, he was there to provide it. Although he remembered he had accepted the other's advances easily, he had not expected things to escalate into this state. He had expected that one time to be the only, with absolutely no emotions attached. However, he found the white-haired kept coming back to him, refusing to leave him alone. He was always in his sight after that night, always wanting to strike up a conversation and even asked if it was all right to bring their relationship closer.

That fucking freaked him out.

However, he just could not refuse the younger one when he wanted to have intercourse. He didn't know why and he refused himself the answer. He was afraid of it, afraid that if he were to allow any emotions to develop inside of him, it would change into deadly flames and scorched him. He would gladly choose physical injuries over emotional ones anytime. He just knew it would hurt so much more.

He brought up a hand and placed it on his abdomen, making soothing circular motions lightly as he walked on in the corridor to his room. Would the little guy want his father to know about him?

He then began to frown, feeling extremely foolish of him to even ask such questions. It was just plain ludicrous as he would get no answers, all he would get were the feelings of frustration and confusion…

Did he want Allen to know then…?

He didn't really know…

Suddenly, haste footsteps that indicated someone was running echoed throughout the hallway. They were becoming louder as the person drew closer. Kanda chose to ignore it, but found himself caught off his guard as a hand placed itself on one of his shoulder, wanting to stop him in his tracks. He turned around reluctantly, feeling very annoyed as he was in a mood that made him even more unsociable than usual.

"What the fuck do you -" Kanda unconsciously cut himself off, his eyes slightly bulging as he took in the seriousness Komui's face was displaying. The older man only had this expression on when he was discussing about missions or something dire and important. He then immediately knew something was crucial, and the raven was somehow involved in it.

The thing that somewhat irked Kanda was the emotions of great concern and empathy that was displayed in the orbs of the other man. He could feel the hand on him tensed, gripping his shoulders with an unneeded force that puzzled the swordsman. In the bottom of his heart, he could already sense that something was strangely amiss as a dreadful feeling wormed its way in.

"Allen, he is in the infirmary now. And his condition is not optimistic."

X-X-X

"Moyashi," Kanda shouted as he threw the door open. Letting out a silent gasp, he took a step into the room hesitatingly as he wanted to get a closer look at Allen. He was as pale as snow, seemingly as if all life had been cruelly sucked out of him. Some parts of the bandages had been dyed a light red, indicating that he was still bleeding, albeit not as much as some time ago. The raven's eyes quickly caught on to the exorcist uniform that was hung on a side of the wall, some section, especially the lower part, was spotting an even darker shade of black. The patch was undeniably big, and his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Hi, Yuu," Lavi was the first to break the silence and a smile, a fake one, Kanda noticed, was on the redhead's face. His voice undoubtedly betrayed his fatigue and sadness, the guilt never once leaving his mind as he turned around to look at the teen on the bed before him again. The other's hand was still too cold, and he grasped it tighter with a heavier heart. If by doing so could make the white-haired's body warm again, to make him wake up from his coma, Lavi was willing to give all of his body temperature to Allen.

"How… is he," the slight pause in Kanda's sentence was the moment where he spent to prevent his emotion from showing, to stop the crack in his voice that he knew was going to come out after he spoke the first word. He inhaled deeply as his heart clenched painfully tight, wanting to calm himself down as he walked forward. The more he got closer to the bed, the more the agony grew in his chest. The moyashi was in such a bad shape that Kanda feared he would be taken away by the hand of Death anytime.

The raven stretched out a slightly shaky hand, brushing a cheek of the younger one lightly, so light the touch was as if anymore force could break him. His hand felt not the warmth that Allen always radiated from his skin, but a haunting coldness that the swordsman had never experienced before. Kanda bit his lower lip, forcing down the pain that was going to erupt from within his chest.

He didn't know why he was feeling like this, feeling so much misery and distress from seeing the white-haired in such state. He should not had been caring so much, his heart should not had been aching so much, his tears should not had been gathering at the brim of his eyes…

"Allen's condition isn't very stable yet, so we have to keep watch on him just in case," Lavi explained, his eyes never once leaving the British. "It was my fault, if I had reached him earlier, I could have prevented all of this…" the last word was said in an angry hiss as Lavi's body started to tremble, his teeth gritted as Kanda knew he was reproaching himself in his mind.

"It's not your fault, nobody wanted this to happen," although Kanda's voice was void of emotion like it normally was, Lavi felt his tensed self relaxed considerably as he knew the other was comforting him. He gave him a grateful smile, his eyes now getting back some of the shine they once had.

X-X-X

In the middle of the night, Kanda had chased Lavi out of the room. Although no kind words had been said by Kanda while doing so, the red head knew the other wanted him to go back to his own room to get some rest. He could only express his gratitude with a soft 'thanks' before he went out.

"Moyashi," Kanda started after the red head left, feeling another wave of anguish washed over him, "I will personally kill you if you don't wake up now." His voice was still as threatening as ever, with the same sharpness of Mugen in battles, but he just could not hide the hint of sadness in it too.

Suddenly, a teardrop started streaming down his left cheek, and shortly his right cheek too. They fell upon the bed sheet and dampened the material as two dark spots appeared on it. His sight blurred as more gathered in his eyes, forming two seemingly endless rivers on his face.

Why was he crying for him? Had the other really crept so deeply into his heart without him knowing? Did he mean more than the raven thought he was to him in reality?

He did not know and he did not want to ponder any further. All he wanted was not answers to these questions, but Allen to wake up and stay by his side again.

"Wake up now, you hear me!"

Still seeing no reaction from the other, Kanda could only grasp his hand within his own.

**X-X-X**

**How long has it been really? Almost a year now…? This had to be my longest writer's block. I hope you enjoyed it, although I think this chapter was not as well done as I had wanted it to be. Review? **


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